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Talking to your manager

about stress and distress

Many people are afraid of revealing their stress or distress and will struggle on until they reach the point of breakdown. However, the earlier the issues are tackled, the more likely it is that you can agree on support or adjustments that enable you to continue in work. When approaching your manager, remember that they may also be fearful of ‘emotional’ or ‘difficult’ interviews. The stigma around mental health can easily affect both parties.

It may be helpful to consider some or all of the following:

• if your manager seems anxious or reluctant to engage with you, you may need to show them a way into discussing the issues. They may be fearful about saying ‘the wrong thing’. If that happens, you can gently correct them but show that you value the effort they are making.
• you will need to produce a sick note in order to obtain sick pay. Think about what you are going to say to the GP. Will it be helpful to put your employer and GP in touch?
• check out what you are required to do under the terms of the attendance policy of your employer, and
• if the problem involves your home life, how much do you wish to reveal? Might it be helpful for the manager to know of a particular issue? If so, consider your boundaries around this.
• Are there particular actions that your manager could take which would reduce stress?
• what, if anything, do you wish colleagues to be told? Decide which colleagues and who will tell them.
• do you wish to ask for any company-funded medical care?
• how do you think your progress / performance should be monitored?
• it may be that something has triggered distress that has been building up for some time. You may feel angry or frustrated. How will you manage these feelings in the meeting?
• are there any ways in which the meeting with your manager could be made easier? For example held in a neutral location or with a friend, family member, trade union representative or advocate attending?
• how much are you prepared to disclose about any medical care?
• If there are problems at work that involve other people, are you going to talk to the manager about this? Do you need to consult others before doing so? For example, there may be a problem with bullying or harassment.