Julian speaks to The Weekly News
08 March
Article text:
IF you know someone is suffering with depression, the best thing you can do is put an arm round their shoulder and let them know you care.
When I’ve been at my lowest ebb and returning to work after being off for a while, seeing friends and colleagues avoid me was the last thing I needed.
But I’ve seen people who know me well turn and go down another corridor to avoid meeting me, and it's a shame people are embarrassed or scared.
Depression is a horrible thing to have, and it affects a lot of us.
Imagine a heavy weight bearing down on you. so that everything becomes slow and cumbersome. you feel like you're climbing up a high mountain and every step is a laborious struggle.
Well, that's what it does to you mentally. and you feel dead emotionally. The only thing I feel is anger.
As a father of four, I find it’s best to lock myself away from my family when depression comes. I have self- harmed. hitting my own head, but I would never lay a finger on my own family, who are my rocks.
You still love them, of course, but there’s a terrible numbness and you struggle to think of things that make life bearable.
Don’t misunderstand me. you don't hate your family, you just become ambivalent. For instance. I've never reached a stage where I look at my little son and feel no love at all.
But it's hard to show them love, and things like eating just become a mechanical exercise, where you don’t even taste the food.
I'm 41, from Leicestershire. and a full- time worker in the public sector. When I was young, I watched my brother Danny, who had Downs Syndrome. face discrimination.
He passed away in 1996. but it badly affected me and has left a lasting legacy.
The public’s attitude to mental illness in general is changing, but only very gradually.
There are still negative comments and, if it was any other area of life there would be an outcry about it.
People are catching up but there's a long way to go.
I've had friends who just didn't want to know. and even close relations don't know what to say and avoid the subject.
But you're not well and if it was any other kind of disability or illness people would want to help.
So when you hear casual remarks about throwing yourself off buildings and things like that, you realise some people don't think about what they say. Maybe there's some fear that it could happen you care to them. too. but there's also sheer ignorance. How funny is a suicide joke?
When I'm depressed, it’s like being in permanent bereavement. People are treading on eggshells around you, but you would prefer some compassion and friendship.
Folk still reckon men should have a stiff upper lip and as a six-foot-plus former Rugby League player, they probably think a big bloke like me should just get on with it.
I know the Celtic manager Neil Lennon has written about his experience of depression, and it’s good to see someone in the public eye come out and talk about it. which was very brave.
I’ve also been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). My take on this is that everyone has it to a small degree, and some might just call it superstition.
I used to have my own office, and it would sometimes take me an hour just to get out at night, because I was constantly checking and rechecking if I’d turned the lights off, had I put the computer off, did I leave windows open?
Also, had I put things off in the right order? You then turn it into a catastrophe in your mind, fearing everyone in the office will be hurt and it will be your fault for leaving something on.
It caused me no end of problems, and people end up seeing you talking to yourself, or trying desperately not to be the last one out the room. I’d joke, “Last one to leave turn the lights out!” but inside I was in a terrible state.
Strangely, when my depression is bad. the OCD virtually disappears. Maybe it's linked to anxiety about the depression. When I'm depressed, I don't care if the building falls down!
You know, the figures would suggest that if you look around any office, someone will be going through these things. We should be attentive and care about our fellow humans.
That’s why I say, when you see a friend suffering from depression. don't shun them — let them know you are there for them and put an arm round their shoulders.
They are just living skeletons. waiting for a switch to be turned on again, and a hug can make a world of difference.
As told to Craig Campbell
